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Keyword: Craig Marshall Smith
23 results total, viewing 1 - 20

You might not care about vacuums, but suck it up

My vacuum cleaner has headlights. It's a great feature. It allows me to vacuum in the dark. Nietzsche might say that “vacuuming in the dark” was a good metaphor for existence. My vacuum cleaner … more
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An hour this Sunday will be no time at all

Soon it will be time to change our clocks again. Why? It’s a semi-annual nuisance that is debated and argued about semi-annually too. Between times, it’s forgotten. Daylight Saving Time was … more
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A lifelong attraction to the hard stuff

A man walks into a bar with a large chunk of concrete and says to the bartender, “Give me a drink. And one for the road.” I like concrete. I’ve always liked concrete. Concrete is everywhere. … more
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Pandemic diversion is one for the books

A man past sixty living alone with a small dog walks to his guest room where a little library of fiction is kept and scans the spines for an option to read as the second year of a pandemic has him … more
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Enjoy the journey on a search for the worst

Recently, Turner Classic Movies showed what many consider the worst movie ever made. “Plan 9 from Outer Space,” directed by Edward D. Wood Jr., and starring Bela Lugosi who died during … more
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Five-dollar words may not make cents

This column is overdue, so I am going to overdo it. Are you stationary or stationery? Recently when I erred, a reader corrected me: “You wrote ‘cue’ when you meant ‘queue.’” My tale was … more
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Irrelevance of watches was just a matter of time

Watch out. Believe it or not, years and years ago wristwatches were intended solely to tell someone what time it was. Not anymore. Maybe you saw this? The president wore a $7,000 “statement … more
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Six of one, half a dozen of the other, if that’s OK

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I would say on Twitter if I were on Twitter. The same goes for Facebook and Instagram and any others I don’t know about. Sooner or later, everyone on Twitter … more
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Animal adoption agencies seeing a doggone frenzy

Because of the pandemic, which of the following is way up nationwide? Average per-person daily intake of calories from sugar? Trips to the liquor store? Pet adoption? I don’t have the facts in … more
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Apparently this road was paved with good intentions

Harry and I went for a Sunday drive. Only I made a big mistake. I forgot to put the “Sunday Drive” sign in the window that lets everyone know we’re on the road for leisure, not for the rat … more
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Sibling is almost like one of the family

My sister and I are unalike. My sister and I are so unalike I required a DNA sample before I agreed to include her in my will. “Cindy” makes lists. She makes lists of the lists she is going to … more
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Reality-based greetings as another year begins

Sir Walter Scott said a new year is “The fittest time for festal cheer.” I wish I had it in me. Flipping a calendar page isn’t enough. There’s too much weight and I’m too realistic to … more
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Looking near and near for the best things in life

Annually I submit a list of things that make (my) life worth living and it’s usually a snap to write. After all, why wouldn’t life be worth living? Then 2020 showed up. It walked in the door … more
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Music won’t stay silent, for better or worse

What’s science got to do with it? What’s science but a secondhand emotion? Music, eventually, finds its way into almost everything, including a pandemic. The same is true for all of the arts. … more
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From one’s perspective, two’s a crowd

Few remember Love, a 1960s Los Angeles rock band. They had a number of minor hits, including “My Little Red Book,” “7 and 7 Is,” and “Alone Again Or.” “Alone Again Or” was released in … more
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A good memory is a visitor that’s welcome anytime

For at least a month, I’d end the day in my no great shakes West Los Angeles apartment listening to “Desolation Row” on a cheap turntable. It’s an 11:23 song on Bob Dylan’s “Highway 61 … more
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Going forward and looking back

It won’t be long before we’ll start to see trees strapped to cars and colored lights outlining houses; maybe a few front lawn inflatables; countless advertisements; and familiar holiday songs. … more
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Seems like the future wasn’t worth the wait

Wanting an additional serving of “thin gruel,” plucky parish workhouse resident Oliver Twist pleaded “Please, sir, I want some more.” To paraphrase the indigent lad, “Please, sir, I don’t … more
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Looking down at someone to be looked up to

Looking down from the second level inside the Aurora Mall 35 years ago, I saw an older man, mid-60s, walking alone and unnoticed. He wasn’t hurrying but showed no signs of impairment. He was … more
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It goes without saying, but they say it anyway

“Well, I swear,” is an obsolete expression that was a way of swearing without swearing. Believe it or not, four-letter words were once impermissible in films. Now it would be almost impossible to … more
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